Are You A Quitter?

I know it sounds shocking.

But I’m serious.

Unless you learn how to quit, you won’t reach your dreams.

I don’t say that because I read it in a book. I say that from personal experience. I’m successful now because I know when to quit, how to quit, where to quit, and what to quit.

By the way, do you have problems?

Today, I’m going to teach you how to solve your problems by quitting.

Let me give you a hint: Most of the time, the best way to solve your problems is not by solving your problems. The best way to solve your problems is by making them irrelevant.

And the way to do that is to quit.

I hope I’ve confused you by now.

Let me now tell you my first story: A love story. A tragic love story.

But I’m going to ask a favor. Notice whenever I use these three words in my story: Purpose, Path, and Problem.

Let me define them for you:

o Purpose is the final destination

o Path is the road going there.

o Problem is the barrier on that road.

Ready?

My love story is about Jenny, a beautiful single woman with many dreams.

Like many single women, her big purpose is to have a happy marriage.

Which includes a lovely wedding, romantic dates each week, cuddling in bed every Saturday morning, and hugs under a starlit sky.

One day, Jimboy walks into her world and offers a path to her purpose.

He has good looks. Dresses smart. Speaks well. Has what Filipinos call “arrive”.

She meets him, likes him, and walks home with her feet on the clouds.

She also has many profound signs from Heaven that they’re meant for each other: They’re fans of the same artista.

She’s excited. She believes she has found the man of her dreams.

Unfortunately, the dream turns out to be a nightmare.

The Problem of Jimboy

She discovers that Jimboy is an irresponsible bum.

He always doesn’t have money. His wallet is thick, but it’s filled with old receipts, discount cards, and an expired driver’s license that he can’t renew because he has no money.

He hasn’t held a steady job for the past five years. When Jenny asks him why, he says he’s a free spirit. But since his spirit is still trapped in a physical body that gets hungry three times a day, Jimboy has to borrow money from Jenny.

Jenny also discovers that Jimboy has mixed blood. He’s 25% Filipino, 25% Chinese, and 50% Alcohol. When she asks why he drinks so much, he says, “When I drink, I fall asleep. When I fall asleep, I don’t sin. When I don’t sin, I go to Heaven. So I drink to go to Heaven.”

Finally, she also discovers that Jimboy flirts with anything that moves with a skirt. She finds he has other girlfriends. “In case of emergencies,” he laughs.

Let’s review the three elements of our story.

Her Purpose is a happy marriage.

Her Path is Jimboy.

Her Problem is his character flaws: being a bum, an alcoholic, and a playboy.

What should Jenny do?

Wouldn’t it be so much simpler if she just quit this path and take another?

But from my experience, many women don’t. They just keep on trying to solve their problem—in this case—Jimboy’s character flaws.

I see two reasons why people don’t quit…

1. When You Confuse Purpose And Path

Jenny must see boyfriend Jimboy as a path.

Just a path, not the purpose.

Because if she’s confused between purpose and path, she’ll be attached to Jimboy. If Jenny confuses Jimboy to be her purpose, then she’ll try to solve the problem of his character flaws head on—by trying to change him.

That may include emotional manipulation, sexual blackmail, dragging him to prayer meetings, forcing him to counseling, and driving out demons via exorcism.

Or she may just marry him and hope that marriage will change him.

Which is a huge mistake. Here’s the truth: Marriage doesn’t change anyone, it simply magnifies what’s already there.

But okay, I admit. There are rare exceptions. A few guys do change after their wedding day.

But that’s like playing Russian Roulette. With a gun that can hold 100 bullets—and 99 are loaded. Do you really want to take that risk?

2. When You Become Unclear With Your Purpose

Emotionally, the Jennys of the world are discombobulated.

They will keep their Jimboys because marriage is no longer their purpose.

For example, if Jenny has a strained relationship with her parents, and her parents told her that Jimboy wasn’t good for her, Jenny will keep him as her act of rebellion. In this case, her purpose isn’t marriage anymore. It’s to get back at Mama and Papa and declare her total independence.

Another example.

If Jenny has a broken self-image and believes—in her subconscious—that she deserves a jerk, then she’ll keep him too. Again, the purpose is no longer to get married. The purpose is to inflict self-punishment for being such a terrible person. Even if Jimboy leaves her, Jenny will continue to search for other Jerks. She will be a Jerk-magnet for the rest of her life.

When the purpose is messed up, our lives are messed up as well.

Sadly, I see this tragedy again and again.

Oh, if only we learn to quit!

But our problem is that we think there’s only one path.

So when a problem blocks our way, we try to solve it head on.

Not understanding that sometimes, the best way to solve a problem is to make it irrelevant. For example, Jenny can make Jimboy’s character flaws irrelevant by simply dumping him—and choosing someone with better husband-potential.

Life will be much simpler. And happier!

-- Bo Sanchez