I was the
first one who received the first call from Cavite at the Pro-Life Philippines office.
Daisy was asking me the contact number of Welcome House. She asked me who is
the one in charge there. I just candidly answered her that the one in charge is
Sr. Pilar without realizing that it was Sr. Pilar the reason why Daisy had to
call Welcome House. Until the second call came and that’s the only time it sank
into my mind that Sr. Pilar was admitted to the hospital in Cavite while giving a talk there, she felt
dizzy, vomited and her blood pressure shoot up to 200/100.
Silence
enveloped the Pro-Life Philippines office. Each one of us expressed worries and
Mam Lorna; our Executive Director immediately gathered us towards the altar and
pray for Sr. Pilar that she will be alright.
We had a great relief when Daisy called up again and told us that her
blood pressure was getting normal. But that’s only a short relief for us when
she called up again and told us that Sr. Pilar were brought to ICU. Fear came
to all of us for Sr. Pilar asking what happening to her.
We started
prayer brigade asking for Sr. Pilar’s speedy recovery. As I do the
dissemination, my mind is running and whispered a wishful prayer “Not Sr. Pilar
Lord, asking Him she still not yet in quota right? Not at this time Lord, we
still need her in this battle. Please make her well soon.”
September 9, 2012. Early Sunday morning, I received a text message telling that Sr. Pilar passed away due to herniation and cerebral bleeding. I know its time for me to make a layout design to be used for the dissemination info of Sr. Pilar's passing away. With a heavy heart I started working on it. I asked Sr. PIlar to help me doing the layout. I know she just wanted it to be simple.
My first
exposure on the prolife movement was in the year 1994 when I attended a big
rally in Luneta along with my Dominican Family Mukha Ad. In the last end months of 1994 I quit my job
and not thinking to have a job again since I have disability. Until me and
Regina Fulgencio, a fellow Mukha Ader and a former staff of Pro-Life
Philippines met in one of the 9 days of “Simbang Gabi “ in December.
I remember
my prayer during that time. “Lord, I know it would be hard for me to look for another
job because of my disability. But if you give me another one, please choose the
one that I can still serve in my own little way.” Reggie, as we wait for the
mass candidly asked me “Malou are you looking for a job?” I said yes if God’s
will. Reggie smiled and told me if I would like to apply at Pro-Life
Philippines.
My first
encounter with Sr. Pilar was when Reggie brought me in the Pro-Life office in
Caritas. Nope, Sr. Pilar was not the kind of nun I usually see. Instantly, I felt
the authority, the toughness and the flexibility of doing many things at the
same time. She just asked me three questions while reading important papers on
her desk. Why did you quit your job? I answered her, “Di napo ako masaya. Madalas
napo kasing nagagalit ang boss namin. Mahirap magtrabaho kapag laging ganun po.”
(Not happy working anymore. My boss keeps on nagging us. It’s hard to work if
it is always like that.) Sr. nodded and asked me again. What did your boss said
when you resigned? I answered, “ Sabi
nya po dina ako makakahanap ng work kasi may kapansanan ako.” (She said that I
will not be able to find a job anymore because I have disability). Her last
question was….What you don’t like at work? She was looking at me then. I
answered, “ Masipag po ako at matyaga. Willing po ako matrain ayaw ko lang po
na sinisigawan ako at dinuduro. Nakakababa po kasi ng dignidad bilang tao.” (I am hardworking, persevering in any task and
willing to be trained. I just don’t like being scolded and pointing fingers. It
lessens the dignity as a person). Sr. Pilar looked at me as if she’s trying to
see my determination. She nod and looked again at the papers she was reading
and said… “You may start tomorrow.” I guessed my prayers were answered.
|
First few months at Caritas, Pro-Life office |
The
beginning of my prolife works did not really enter into my mind as if it was
just an ordinary job for me. From sealing the envelopes, pasting names on it
and cutting prolife articles from newspapers….Sr. Pilar did not stop looking
for my potentials. One day she just told me to start reporting on one of the
pro-life counseling centers located in Taft Avenue. That’s the beginning of my
awareness of what really pro-life works and advocacy means. Training and
mentoring of Sr. Pilar Verzosa opened my potentials that I can talk and counsel
pregnant women in crisis. I remember handling 10 cases in a day from phone
calls to walk in clients. The biggest
challenge I had was when she trusted me to take over a counseling center in
Cubao, the Care and Share
Center whom the founder
was her fellow Theresian classmate, Mrs. Portia Sy. For 10 years I had been one
of the counselors of Care and Share
Center. I just can’t
remember how many people I encountered and talked too. I will never forget Sr.
Pilar’s own words every time there’s an opportunity during special occasions, she
will hug me and said “Glad you were born. Dami mo ng nasave na babies! ” (Glad
you were born, you saved many babies already!) Sr. Pilar did not only push me
to discover my potentials but she gaved me special people in Care & Share
Family who loved and accepted me the way I am. She gave me genuine friends even
if we came from different generations.
|
Care & Share Center Family with Sr. Pilar |
Being in
the state of my comfort place, Sr. Pilar suddenly requested Tita Portia to
borrow me to take Ms. Ellen’s place in a counseling center in Quiapo. Another
potential was opened when she told me that I must teach and give talk about Pro-Life
and NFP as part of prenatal services. I had been reporting too in the Pro-Life
office in Good Shepherd Convent by then twice in a week to help in some office
works. I remember one time she saw me at the office and in a firm loud voice
she told to the staff “Andito si Malou. Maximize her!” I don’t know what she
meant by that. I am wondering whether my performances are not enough or she
knows I can do more. Knowing that Sr. Pilar dont waste time.She even encouraged me to write an article from time to
time but she knows that I only write by inspiration and my limitations when it
comes to tenses. Time comes when Sr. Pilar decided to put me officially in the
main office. Slowly the counseling works detached on me without knowing that I
am intended for a bigger task as part of the secretariat of Pro-life
Philippines.
Do you
think Sr. Pilar spared me from what I don’t want at work? No, perhaps at first,
because she knew I was deeply wounded by then that’s why she put me in the care
of Tita Portia and the counselors of Care and Share Center
in order to bring back my confidence and to make me ready to face more
challenges in life. I was not an exemption in the tough love and discipline of Sr.
Pilar gaved to each one of the staff of Pro-Life Philippines. I was treated as one of the ordinary most of
the time as if I don’t have the disability. There were times I was being
scolded and embarrassed by her but never point finger on me. Of course I got
angry at her too and she knows because I don’t talk when I am angry. But I know
its an ache for her every time she showed me tough love because in a way,
still, she’s making effort to talk and listen to my side and hoping that I will
say something that its not my fault and she knows of course that I will not point
fingers and tell that it’s the fault of others. She has a way of making up
that’s why I never took it personal. She doesn’t want faction in the office; she
always wants us to work as a team. That’s why her rare precious approval and
congratulatory comments of job well done after each activities or events to all
the staff are very valuable. It’s a bonus when you receive a personal
commendation from her.
Special
days like birthday and Christmas… There is one particular word she always wrote
on her notes for me….The word “little”. Sometimes my mind object and asking if it is really
little? But maybe its one way of reminding me to be humble always, that the
little extra effort I’ve done are being appreciated aside from what I had
accomplished.
In my last
encounter with Sr. Pilar, usually when she’s in the office, she had an attitude
to look and asked what we are doing. That time, when she went near at my back
she just asked me if I had a new love life. She knew that my present
relationship did not pursue. I was surprised and she laughed and told me to
keep on trying. She even introduced us to Hanna Klaus differently that day. She
told Hanna our individual works with pride and joy.
When Sr.
Pilar went into coma, we had an opportunity to say something to her as Daisy
put the cell phone near her ear. I was the last one who said something to her.
Between sobs, I just said “Sr. si Malou po to. Sr. I love you!” I wasn’t able
to visit Sr. Pilar in the hospital because I knew she wanted me to pursue the
scheduled mass for my sister who passed away 8 days ago that time and to pray
for her also. The Good Shepherd Sisters & her family gave us a chance to
see her in Arlington
before her cremation. For a long time I never looked on a dead person inside
the coffin. But Sr. Pilar is different....As I looked at her, laying inside the
glass casket, the more I long to see her serene face as she was only sleeping. It’s
so painful for me to see that she was there. Tears flow at my cheek. My cries
are inside of me that I can’t release it into outcry.
On the day
of her interment, Ms. Ellen and I went early at the Good Shepherd Chapel. There
is one particular nun who had so much alike with Sr. Pilar’s features. Sr. Amy
approached and offered us to eat lunch. I did not able to eat lunch that time
so eventually we accepted the offer. I
even made a joke to Ms. Ellen that Sr. Pilar still serving us in the presence
of her look alike. She still wants us to eat and to my surprise they served
Adobo. I remember telling Ms. Ellen two days ago that I am craving for home
made Adobo.I just made a whisper of thanks to Sr. Pilar.
I decided
not to join the procession going where Sr. Pilar will be laid. Mam Gail, wife
of Sir Eric Manalang and I waited at the chapel but suddenly Mam Gail asked me
if I wanted to follow. I agreed with her and went on the trail where the
procession went too. As we walk along, we realized that we are at lost as we trail
a deep and difficult terrain, so we went back. I was walking ahead of Mam Gail
when I heard her asking “Ok kalang ? Kaya mo pa?” (Are you alright? Can you
still go on?)I remember Sr. Pilar was asking the same questions when we were
walking in a difficult and long terrain in Baguio before. Eventually we found the place where Sr. Pilar
laid. So many people so I just waited for the right time to go there.Finally,
facing the columbary where the name of Sr. Pilar encrypted, I told her “Andito
na ako Sr.” (I am already here Sr.)
I told Ms.
Ellen that we got lost on the way going the convent’s columbary. “Oh that’s the
message of Sr. Pilar for you…..that you had to go an extra mile.”
Go an extra
mile…..until to the last moment, Sr. Pilar wants me to explore and discover
more potential inside of me. Never give up, explore, discover and multi tasking
works. These are the golden values Sr. Pilar implanted on me. That I can do
something despite my disability....in my own “little” way.
The
Responsorial Psalm sang during Sr. Pilar’s Mass of the Resurrection will be my
guiding light.
Shepherd of my soul
I give you full
control
Wherever you may lead
I will follow
I have made a choice
To listen to your
voice
Wherever you may lead
I will go.
Filling Sr.
Pilar’s shoes is not enough for only one person. Sr. Pilar is one of a kind.I do believe that all of us in
the prolife movement, there is a little Sr. Pilar in each of our heart. May the
legacy left by Sr. Pilar Verzosa as a staunch Pro-Life Activist will keep the
fire burning deep inside our hearts to inspire us and continue to work as a team.
Teams that are united under God for Life and will courageously defend Life from
womb to tomb.
Thank you
so much Sr. Pilar for believing in me and for loving me in your own “little”
way. I know that “little” way pushed me to go on in taking one step at a time
to do this mission God entrusted to me for 17 years. Though
there are still scars and new wounds inside of me, just the thought of how you
and your advocacies touched many people’s lives plus your trust in me will be enough for me to stay
strong and be a warrior for life for the rest of my life.
Please pray
for me Sr. Pilar, each time I decide to take another extra mile in the journey
of my life. I Love you!
God is good all the time! All the time God is good!